Some people come into your life and leave a mark that time can never erase.

Ruthy was one of those people for me.

She was funny, loud, full of life… just a teenage girl trying to figure things out, just like the rest of us. But what made her special wasn’t just who she was—it was how she made you feel when you were around her. There was always laughter. Always something happening. Always a moment that felt alive.

Our family… it wasn’t easy. There was a lot of hurt, a lot of talking, a lot of things that made it hard to truly love each other the way we should have. And because of that, I don’t think we always knew how to show love the right way.

But even in the middle of that… we had our moments.

I still remember us ironing each other’s hair, laughing, playing around, just being girls. In those moments, nothing else mattered. No family drama. No confusion. Just us.

And I hold onto those memories so tightly now.

Losing Ruthy changed me.

She was the first person I ever lost that I truly loved… and I didn’t know how to handle that kind of pain. I didn’t understand grief. I didn’t understand what it meant to carry someone in your heart but not have them here with you.

It broke something in me.

But it also opened something in me.

It made me realize how important love is… and how dangerous it is to leave things unsaid.

Because if I could have one more moment with her, I wouldn’t hold back.

I would tell her everything.

I would tell her how much I loved her.
How much I cared.
How much she meant to me.
How she wasn’t just my cousin… she was like a sister to me.

A bond I didn’t fully understand back then—but one I feel so deeply now.

And that’s the hardest part about loss sometimes…
You don’t just grieve the person,
you grieve the words you never said.

Ruthy, if somehow you can hear me…

I love you.
I always did.
And I always will.

And I carry you with me… in my memories, in my heart, and in the way I try to love people better now.

Because of you.

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